Facing Lymphoma at 37: My Unexpected Journey, My Fight, My Voice
I never imagined I’d be writing this post—especially not at 37. But here I am, doing something I feel compelled to do: share my story, not just for myself, but for my children, for those silently struggling, and for those who might one day find themselves in this terrifying unknown.
How It Began: Panic, Pain, and Unanswered Questions
Late last year, I began experiencing severe panic attacks—out of nowhere. I have a history of panic in my 20s, but it had been over a decade since I’d felt that level of anxiety. Suddenly I was trapped in my body for 6–12 hours a day, consumed by fear I couldn’t explain. I was also dizzy, lightheaded, and experiencing what felt like POTS symptoms. I started hydrating obsessively, trying to feel “normal” again. But it didn’t work. Something deeper was happening.
From Panic to Physical Symptoms
In mid-February, I got sick with what I thought was the flu. It lingered for nearly a month. Just as I was recovering, I felt a small lump in my groin. It didn’t seem serious at first. But over a few weeks, it hardened, became painful, and made walking difficult. As I spiraled into health anxiety, I kept Googling symptoms and couldn’t shake the sinking feeling: What if it’s lymphoma?
On March 28th, I went to urgent care. I cried. I told the nurse I was terrified it was cancer. She reassured me it was unlikely—”You’re young. Cancer’s rare.” I wanted to believe her.
Then Came the Shingles
A week later, I developed a red, burning rash on my back and under my breast. Within days, it exploded into shingles—covering 30% of my body. The pain was unreal. The rash crossed my spine and kept flaring in new places. I was desperate for answers, but all I had was pain and worsening symptoms.
Finally—A Diagnosis
By April, I got in to see a new doctor who misdiagnosed the rash as fungal and said the lump was a hernia. I wanted to believe him, especially as the rash cleared—but days later, the pain in my groin returned worse than ever. My lymph node had become rock-hard, hot, and unbearable. I couldn’t walk. I called and was told to go to the ER immediately.
On May 5th, I had a CT scan and bloodwork. The doctor gently said what I feared most: “We believe this could be lymphoma.” My labs showed elevated LDH and neutrophils. The scan found multiple enlarged lymph nodes and a 6 cm soft tissue mass.
Reading My Diagnosis in MyChart
The biopsy results came through MyChart days later. I wasn’t called, I just saw it staring at me on the screen:
DIAGNOSIS: Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL), non-germinal center subtype.
FISH testing pending to check for double-hit lymphoma and rule out mantle cell lymphoma due to partial Cyclin D1 expression.
I sat there stunned. I read it over and over. And I felt numb.
What’s Next
I have my first oncology appointment on May 20th. I don’t know yet if it’s double-hit or if it’s transformed from something else. I don’t know my stage. But I do know this: I’m scared, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m fighting.
I’m also a mother with young children, currently unemployed after a layoff. I’m trying to hold on to hope while navigating a diagnosis that has upended everything.
How You Can Help
If you’ve read this far, thank you. Sharing this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m trying to be brave—but I do need help.
Every share, every kind word, and every dollar helps me focus on healing, parenting, and enduring treatment without drowning in stress.
Closing Thoughts
I don’t know where this road leads, but I’m going to walk it—with honesty, heart, and as much strength as I can gather. If you’re facing something like this, or love someone who is: you’re not alone. This is terrifying. But it’s also real. And survivable.
Thank you for being here.
